fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It's just like the Real World with babies
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Randomize
