im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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