your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
grandma shit on top of the toilet
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
