True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize