well I can't set my house on fire every night
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
