Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
