I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
