i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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