can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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