I think I died a long time ago.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
