My sheets look like a crime scene.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
