No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
