i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
