I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize