he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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