i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
