Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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