Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
