you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
