cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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