His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
