Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
