Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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