So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
