I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
