Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
