You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
