Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
