please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
