I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
