I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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