He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
