Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
