Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
lol hangovers are for mortals.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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