talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
