Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
