S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
