so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize