What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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