Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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