i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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