farters have to be the big spoon...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
