I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
