If that was your dad, he is hot
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
