Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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