Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Randomize
