if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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