just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
