Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
