omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
