you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
