The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
