Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
