better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
