She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize