now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
