She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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