woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
