I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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