i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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