Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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