what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
