Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
