If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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