Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
