Fine. I'll sleep in my office
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
