Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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