You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
