Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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