Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
