if only i could text you this smell
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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